How to be happy?

Pleasure, happiness and life satisfaction

Why pleasure-seeking isn’t always good for us

We all enjoy pleasure. A dopamine hit that makes us feel euphoric, energised and sexy. We feel so good we want to repeat the experience.

Dopamine is a biological reward system that encourages behaviors that promote survival and reproduction.

But this pleasure doesn’t last. That’s why people often seek another dopamine hit through sex, alcohol or pleasure-seeking.

But psychologists have found that these sources of pleasure work best when they are the result of some other activity rather than sought for their own sake. Sex is more satisfying as part of a committed long-term relationship, alcohol is best in moderation, and pleasure seeking can lead to addiction and the pleasure is compromised.

Happiness and life satisfaction

Happiness is very different to pleasure. Happiness is longer term, a sense of wellbeing that can survive through life’s ups and downs, and help us through them.

Psychologists say that happiness comes from life satisfaction, positive emotions, and a sense of meaning or purpose. Pleasure has a part in this of course – it’s often part of positive emotions – but it is only a part.

So how can we have a happier life?

Do’s and don’ts of a happy life

Don’t depend on wealth & prosperity

It is easy to think that having more money will give us a happy life. After all, what’s not to like about a nice home and car, exciting holidays and enough left over to feel comfortable?

It is clear and obvious that if we are very poor life will be a struggle and we won’t have much time to be happy. Having enough money to make ends meet will certainly make us happier. But psychologists tell us that, once we reach that level, extra money doesn’t make any real difference to our happiness, and striving for more and being materialistic is actually “toxic to happiness”.

It turns out that people who have making money as a top priority are significantly more likely to be anxious, depressed and unhealthy. “We want to understand the meaning of life, and create meaning in our lives, and money can’t do that for us.”

So if you want to be happy, seek enough money to provide the essentials, then be content with what you have.

Do meaningful things

People are generally happier when they are successfully doing something that absorbs them and challenges their skills. So we should try to get involved in interesting and challenging activities that enrich our lives.

If our paid work is interesting and challenging, that will be a good start. But voluntary work is even more important, and most of us can find somewhere that we can volunteer and make a contribution to the society around us.

Constructive hobbies are another way to do meaningful things and enrich our lives.

Do good, make a positive difference

The best kind of meaningful activities are those that benefit others. Altruism, meaning and purpose in life are all really beneficial to happiness.

Best of all is to believe in a cause you regard as greater than ourselves, and to give time and effort in the service of that cause. It may be social welfare, environmental care, politics, religious belief or human rights – working with others in these causes will be one of the most important things we can do to have a happy and satisfied life.

Do develop good relationships

Loneliness isn’t good for us. We are happier and function better when we have a sense of connection and belonging. We need other people in our lives.

The more time we spend socialising, generally the happier we’ll be. Friendships are good, close friendships are better. Loving relationships, especially with a committed life partner, are better still.

These relationships are very important for life satisfaction. So building and maintaining good relationships should be a high priority for all of this. Find out more about how to avoid loneliness at Loneliness and belonging and how to build good relationships at Love, relationships and happiness.

Be kind and generous

The sort of people we are can make a difference to our happiness.

We will generally be happier if we are people who don’t focus on ourselves, we go easy on others, we forgive others when they hurt us, we offer support, show gratitude and are generous. We’ll also be easier to be with, and more fun, which will help build good relationships.

Think about spiritual beliefs

It turns out that faith in God is generally beneficial for happiness. There are many reasons for this.

• Believers tend to be part of strong supportive groups.
• They are more likely to be altruistic.
• Religious and spiritual practices such as meditation, prayer and corporate worship have been shown to promote a sense of peace and wellbeing.
• Religious and spiritual beliefs can give a sense of purpose and meaning, and living for a cause greater than ourselves.

We can change

Mostly, we can change our behaviour and re-wire our brains, if we choose to.

Building and maintaining relationships are skills we can learn. We can choose to be more active and purposeful. We can focus on being better people, easier to live with, being more altruistic, being less materialistic.

Those who believe in God or a higher power can seek their help in becoming a better person and building a better life.

Life can throw all sorts of things at us, both good and bad, and I have the feeling the human race is facing some difficult times. But within those limits, we can make positive changes that will benefit us and others.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio.